Every Dog Has Its Day

Fare well lil' mangy black-spotted dog.

Now that you’re a wanderer amongst those star-spangled celestial fields above, may your new found grace give Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua a run for Paris Hilton’s money.

Remember Puppy, Puppy’s puppy, Mr. Puppy, and Mani - Be their Dogfather. Cotton Street’s no bed of t-boned steaks. And they’re gonna need a resilient Watch Dog to get them through these hard times.

You were never a dog in the manger. I'll vouch for that. Yes, you did hog The Threshold. But that's only because it was a dog-eat-dog world past the gate. And the merchants beyond did not look fondly upon your mangled appearance.

It pained me to see you struggle to get by every day. Because you really lived a dog’s life. And you died an unexpected death. A little too literally, did that doggone bastard take that ambiguous parable that advised him to let a sleeping dog lie, when he revved the engine and ran over you and your sweet dreams. The deed being done, he drove away. He shall have his day too.

But seriously - You lucky dog, you! I hear there's no pain and sorrow and misery and hunger and vengeance and greed and deceit and hate where you are. There'll be no more stones and taunts and abuses and disgust to be thrown your way.

You've been spared the misery of increasingly unbearable dog days that these humans are selfishly cooking up by abusing their air-conditioners. And so much more. My world, it sadly ain't going to the dogs. No, It's going to the humans. And you wont have to live witness to the end of that shaggy-dog-story.

I cry, but I'm happy for you. You're a top dog now.

I wish you well. Some lucky sucker up there is gonna get one helluva good best friend.

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PEOPLE: Before you hop into your cars, take a peek under. If your luck's anything like mine, you'll find a sleeping dog under the chassis 9 times out of 10. Yes it's inconvenient, and yes, it's an added responsibility, but It's a dog's life after all!