I live in my own shadow

There's a thin thin line between my shadow and my soul -
the part of me that follows and the part that makes me whole.
It's a thin thin line that keeps my past at bay
in the hope that I'll be better with the coming of the day.
For when the glory falls behind me, my shadow leads me on
reminding me I've done something to earn a little scorn.
And when I have been humbled and the glory becomes my guide
My shadow falls behind me and reminds me I've been tried.
But at that sacred hour when the glory is above my soul,
This shadow grows to nothing, and I'm rid of it's toll.
The hour may not vist plenty, but it's sure to come around
In it's respite I enjoy oblivion of what has and to be done.
It's one of those hours I now long for, when my conscience feels no pain
And I'm granted an hour of freedom to live now with no loss or gain.

Why I hate it when you drink

Alcohol makes
a wise man out of a fool;
a generous man out of a beggar;
an independant man out of a dependant man;
a sensible man out of an irrational man;
a friend out of an enemy;
a free man out of a prisioner;
a happy man out of a weeper;
a king out of a slave;
And vice versa. As is in your case.

One way. Or another.

Befriend something first. And then perhaps love will follow. Perhaps.

Shine on

I finally spent my money on something useful - my self esteem.

A week back, I summoned my pride before me, caught it in a gunny bag, and shoved it under a boulder. I then walked into the sports store, smiled at the salesman and said a tad sheepishly "I need to learn to cycle". I'll bet it's not something he hears often from a 21 year old. I appreciate his courtesy and his almost successful attempt to suppress a smirk. "Take this one, madam. (Quite symbolically, especially in my case, the model he suggested was named "Shine") I guarantee you'll learn to cycle in a week. Don't worry". Good faith? Good salesmanship? Either which ways, his kindness had me signing away a good bundle of cash and years of self doubt.

Two hours with a person who's been fantastic enough to bear the weight of my diffidence one time too many, and I had succeeded. I was out there, master of my greatest nemesis - accomplishment colouring my soul, and cold wind in my face, only gender differentiated me from a Hillary conquering Everest or a Jake Sully totally owing Toruk (I so totally am in love with that movie!).


I didn't tell anyone. I enjoyed the secret. But, on talking to people afterward, I've realized that I'm not one-of-a-kind. A lot of people my age haven't pushed the pedal hard enough.

So if any of you are reading this, I'll stand testament to the fact that 'impossible' is impossible. I, like you, have two left feet, trip over myself and weild butter fingers; to begin with. I can't catch a ball either. Yet. But I can, if I want it bad enough. And you can too.

They say growing up is about finding balance. Well watchyaknow! They are absolutely right!

Every Dog Has Its Day

Fare well lil' mangy black-spotted dog.

Now that you’re a wanderer amongst those star-spangled celestial fields above, may your new found grace give Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua a run for Paris Hilton’s money.

Remember Puppy, Puppy’s puppy, Mr. Puppy, and Mani - Be their Dogfather. Cotton Street’s no bed of t-boned steaks. And they’re gonna need a resilient Watch Dog to get them through these hard times.

You were never a dog in the manger. I'll vouch for that. Yes, you did hog The Threshold. But that's only because it was a dog-eat-dog world past the gate. And the merchants beyond did not look fondly upon your mangled appearance.

It pained me to see you struggle to get by every day. Because you really lived a dog’s life. And you died an unexpected death. A little too literally, did that doggone bastard take that ambiguous parable that advised him to let a sleeping dog lie, when he revved the engine and ran over you and your sweet dreams. The deed being done, he drove away. He shall have his day too.

But seriously - You lucky dog, you! I hear there's no pain and sorrow and misery and hunger and vengeance and greed and deceit and hate where you are. There'll be no more stones and taunts and abuses and disgust to be thrown your way.

You've been spared the misery of increasingly unbearable dog days that these humans are selfishly cooking up by abusing their air-conditioners. And so much more. My world, it sadly ain't going to the dogs. No, It's going to the humans. And you wont have to live witness to the end of that shaggy-dog-story.

I cry, but I'm happy for you. You're a top dog now.

I wish you well. Some lucky sucker up there is gonna get one helluva good best friend.

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PEOPLE: Before you hop into your cars, take a peek under. If your luck's anything like mine, you'll find a sleeping dog under the chassis 9 times out of 10. Yes it's inconvenient, and yes, it's an added responsibility, but It's a dog's life after all!

Left - Right - Left

Republic Day Parade 2010

Let the Hammer Fall

Going back to IIT inspired a flood of memories and a stream of tears that I willed be invisible. The sweet smell of freshly printed vinyl sponsor banners was what brought on the reminiscences. A year back, and I was pretty much at the top of a food chain - planning out which banners went where and what impact each would have on the course of one my most important endavours. How I miss Loyola College... and the person I was. And boy, was I unprepared for life after, and the maddening jungle that it is.

My life has a way of going according to plan...not.

When I walked in to The Department, all I knew, was that I wanted to do well. Making friends was not on my agenda. Neither was learning Tamil slang or liking 'padams'. But I ended up doing all those things...and so much more.

Turning my back on school, I thought my best years were behind me and that I'd never love college as much. But that too, like so much else, changed. Because I left college with a whole new outlook on life, inspired by the most fantastic people ever. From them, I learnt to find joy in simple things. I started to understand the value of money. And I learnt to be proud of where I come from.If at some point the people who studied with me read this, Thanks. For your fantastic support through it all. And for all the lessons I learnt from all of you. I know I was difficult quite often. But thanks for being there for me any which way. And for still finding time to chill out at NRC a year later :)

Like I said, plans changed. And I changed.

And now it's time to change again.

So, I've 'let the hammer fall' (In the words of Joacim Cans, lead singer of Swedish band, Hammerfall, who totally owned the rock show at Saarang. Mygodman! The harmony and the melody and the solos and the double bass and the red tights and the fancy guitars and the hair and the rhythm and the power and the everything else...total superfantasticism).

The Verdict:

College is in the past. College is in the past. College is in the past. And I've over stayed in the welcoming comfort of its memories.

As hard as this is going to be, I'm packing my bags. And I'm hopping into a rocket-like machine. Direction next? Up. I'm not sure how I'm going to get to where I want to be. But thanks to you guys, I've learnt that though things change, as long as I know where I want to be, life will lead me there. And that the travel plans will alter only in terms of the journey, not the destination.

I hope that one day I can return the favour.