Juxtaposition

Shine on

I finally spent my money on something useful - my self esteem.

A week back, I summoned my pride before me, caught it in a gunny bag, and shoved it under a boulder. I then walked into the sports store, smiled at the salesman and said a tad sheepishly "I need to learn to cycle". I'll bet it's not something he hears often from a 21 year old. I appreciate his courtesy and his almost successful attempt to suppress a smirk. "Take this one, madam. (Quite symbolically, especially in my case, the model he suggested was named "Shine") I guarantee you'll learn to cycle in a week. Don't worry". Good faith? Good salesmanship? Either which ways, his kindness had me signing away a good bundle of cash and years of self doubt.

Two hours with a person who's been fantastic enough to bear the weight of my diffidence one time too many, and I had succeeded. I was out there, master of my greatest nemesis - accomplishment colouring my soul, and cold wind in my face, only gender differentiated me from a Hillary conquering Everest or a Jake Sully totally owing Toruk (I so totally am in love with that movie!).


I didn't tell anyone. I enjoyed the secret. But, on talking to people afterward, I've realized that I'm not one-of-a-kind. A lot of people my age haven't pushed the pedal hard enough.

So if any of you are reading this, I'll stand testament to the fact that 'impossible' is impossible. I, like you, have two left feet, trip over myself and weild butter fingers; to begin with. I can't catch a ball either. Yet. But I can, if I want it bad enough. And you can too.

They say growing up is about finding balance. Well watchyaknow! They are absolutely right!

Let the Hammer Fall

Going back to IIT inspired a flood of memories and a stream of tears that I willed be invisible. The sweet smell of freshly printed vinyl sponsor banners was what brought on the reminiscences. A year back, and I was pretty much at the top of a food chain - planning out which banners went where and what impact each would have on the course of one my most important endavours. How I miss Loyola College... and the person I was. And boy, was I unprepared for life after, and the maddening jungle that it is.

My life has a way of going according to plan...not.

When I walked in to The Department, all I knew, was that I wanted to do well. Making friends was not on my agenda. Neither was learning Tamil slang or liking 'padams'. But I ended up doing all those things...and so much more.

Turning my back on school, I thought my best years were behind me and that I'd never love college as much. But that too, like so much else, changed. Because I left college with a whole new outlook on life, inspired by the most fantastic people ever. From them, I learnt to find joy in simple things. I started to understand the value of money. And I learnt to be proud of where I come from.If at some point the people who studied with me read this, Thanks. For your fantastic support through it all. And for all the lessons I learnt from all of you. I know I was difficult quite often. But thanks for being there for me any which way. And for still finding time to chill out at NRC a year later :)

Like I said, plans changed. And I changed.

And now it's time to change again.

So, I've 'let the hammer fall' (In the words of Joacim Cans, lead singer of Swedish band, Hammerfall, who totally owned the rock show at Saarang. Mygodman! The harmony and the melody and the solos and the double bass and the red tights and the fancy guitars and the hair and the rhythm and the power and the everything else...total superfantasticism).

The Verdict:

College is in the past. College is in the past. College is in the past. And I've over stayed in the welcoming comfort of its memories.

As hard as this is going to be, I'm packing my bags. And I'm hopping into a rocket-like machine. Direction next? Up. I'm not sure how I'm going to get to where I want to be. But thanks to you guys, I've learnt that though things change, as long as I know where I want to be, life will lead me there. And that the travel plans will alter only in terms of the journey, not the destination.

I hope that one day I can return the favour.

shattered

You idiot. Never ever ever scare me like that again.

We were laughing. Talking about nice things. And to see you there, in front of that...Let's just say I've never been more wide-eyed in my life. Everything slowed down. Including you. And my feet felt glued to the ground. And all I could do was scream.

What surprises me, is that you weren't even aware that it was heading straight towards you. It's quite an appalling thought...that danger can not only sneak upon, but hurtle towards even someone as observant and tuned-in as you, without being detected.

I'm just glad that the higher powers were on our side. And that you were gifted that extra second.

The spectacles were a good lesson though...that one minute you're a part of somebody's life, and that all it takes is just one measly unfortunate second to be broken and turn useless.

Idiot.

Colour full

Pongal-O-Pongal.

Pongal. It's one jolly holiday. Four days of r&r.

Pongal. It's one jolly holiday. For most people. I had to spend a greater part of it boxed up in a studio, twiddling my thumbs, picking my nails, counting the number of holes in a square foot of soundproofing.

Pongal. It's a day of paying homage to all your hard work and the environment that supports it. So, perversely, I spent my jollydays at the studio. At work. But, I suppose it's the least i could do for all the support I've been getting from there - My way of paying homage.

But I had my moments.

Pongal. Ah, the food.

Pongal. And the colours. Colours everywhere. Both expected and some pleasantly surprising. It's what I love most about Madras. There's so much colour everywhere...and on everyone. And the January sun. It bathes everything in brilliance. Nature's high saturation mood. Yellow. Sun. *smiling*

Pongal. And traditional art. And this citybitty's rendition of it.



Pongal and Kaanum Pongal. At the Chennai Trade fair. Thousands, each draped in yards of blindingly colourful synthetic fabric decked disproportionately with shiny sequins; Accompanied by husbands ranging from uncaring, to tiresome, to drunk, to chivalrous, to overly possessive; Burdened with tiny limbed bundles. Or just boys. And men, who will never be titled gentle. Lecherous, horny younguns who can't really help what their hormones are doing to their disposition; Though being more subtle would have made life more pleasant for the shy, overprotected girls walking with their mothers' aged in-laws. What's a holiday without some madness? Family. friendship. And carnival joy. More Madness. And the rush for the rides. And riding the rides. And screaming. Loud. Without having to conjure explanation. Loved it all.




Pongal. And chilling with someone who loves colour, madness and simple life just as much as you do.

Pongal. It's about thanking Providence. For being able to reap far more than that which was sown. My day is a good example. I was just saving a cloud. And here's what Providence gifted me.




Pongal. Oh, Pongal.

always there

I love talking a walk with the world. I walk in its shadow. It doesn’t expect an opinion or an answer. When promises and preaching leave me behind, it reminds me that it doesn’t take a person to provide.
I took a walk with it this Sunday. And it helped me remember that joy is not an object. It is a point of view.