One way. Or another.

Befriend something first. And then perhaps love will follow. Perhaps.

Shine on

I finally spent my money on something useful - my self esteem.

A week back, I summoned my pride before me, caught it in a gunny bag, and shoved it under a boulder. I then walked into the sports store, smiled at the salesman and said a tad sheepishly "I need to learn to cycle". I'll bet it's not something he hears often from a 21 year old. I appreciate his courtesy and his almost successful attempt to suppress a smirk. "Take this one, madam. (Quite symbolically, especially in my case, the model he suggested was named "Shine") I guarantee you'll learn to cycle in a week. Don't worry". Good faith? Good salesmanship? Either which ways, his kindness had me signing away a good bundle of cash and years of self doubt.

Two hours with a person who's been fantastic enough to bear the weight of my diffidence one time too many, and I had succeeded. I was out there, master of my greatest nemesis - accomplishment colouring my soul, and cold wind in my face, only gender differentiated me from a Hillary conquering Everest or a Jake Sully totally owing Toruk (I so totally am in love with that movie!).


I didn't tell anyone. I enjoyed the secret. But, on talking to people afterward, I've realized that I'm not one-of-a-kind. A lot of people my age haven't pushed the pedal hard enough.

So if any of you are reading this, I'll stand testament to the fact that 'impossible' is impossible. I, like you, have two left feet, trip over myself and weild butter fingers; to begin with. I can't catch a ball either. Yet. But I can, if I want it bad enough. And you can too.

They say growing up is about finding balance. Well watchyaknow! They are absolutely right!

Let the Hammer Fall

Going back to IIT inspired a flood of memories and a stream of tears that I willed be invisible. The sweet smell of freshly printed vinyl sponsor banners was what brought on the reminiscences. A year back, and I was pretty much at the top of a food chain - planning out which banners went where and what impact each would have on the course of one my most important endavours. How I miss Loyola College... and the person I was. And boy, was I unprepared for life after, and the maddening jungle that it is.

My life has a way of going according to plan...not.

When I walked in to The Department, all I knew, was that I wanted to do well. Making friends was not on my agenda. Neither was learning Tamil slang or liking 'padams'. But I ended up doing all those things...and so much more.

Turning my back on school, I thought my best years were behind me and that I'd never love college as much. But that too, like so much else, changed. Because I left college with a whole new outlook on life, inspired by the most fantastic people ever. From them, I learnt to find joy in simple things. I started to understand the value of money. And I learnt to be proud of where I come from.If at some point the people who studied with me read this, Thanks. For your fantastic support through it all. And for all the lessons I learnt from all of you. I know I was difficult quite often. But thanks for being there for me any which way. And for still finding time to chill out at NRC a year later :)

Like I said, plans changed. And I changed.

And now it's time to change again.

So, I've 'let the hammer fall' (In the words of Joacim Cans, lead singer of Swedish band, Hammerfall, who totally owned the rock show at Saarang. Mygodman! The harmony and the melody and the solos and the double bass and the red tights and the fancy guitars and the hair and the rhythm and the power and the everything else...total superfantasticism).

The Verdict:

College is in the past. College is in the past. College is in the past. And I've over stayed in the welcoming comfort of its memories.

As hard as this is going to be, I'm packing my bags. And I'm hopping into a rocket-like machine. Direction next? Up. I'm not sure how I'm going to get to where I want to be. But thanks to you guys, I've learnt that though things change, as long as I know where I want to be, life will lead me there. And that the travel plans will alter only in terms of the journey, not the destination.

I hope that one day I can return the favour.